Making Myself A Priority

SPEAKERS

Marlena, Christy

Christy  

Welcome to this episode of a witch, a mystic and a feminist with I guess we could say a witch and a mystic. Jamie is not joining us this week, but she will be back next week. And today, we just thought Marlene and I that we would talk about making ourselves a priority and how we do that, because it's complicated. And I think it's a lot deeper than just self care. So with that said, we can just I don't know, I want to know about your week, how's your week been?

Marlena  

A week's been a little crazy. And so making myself a priority is something that I actually need to step more into the forefront. I've told you about this merger that's taking place at work. And so yeah, it has been what I've been dealing with. But also being a mom, even though my kids a mini adult, there's still a lot that I do as mom and then you know, being a spouse and wanting to make sure everybody else is taken care of, and making them a priority and forgetting about myself. So. So this is a good topic, because it's a good reminder for me, but I did make myself while I made myself and Jamie a priority because I actually was out in Vegas, and I got to see her. So Hi, Jamie, I miss you. But we missed you on here. But at the same time, I got to see her in person. And so that was great. Went for a karate tournament, which I actually haven't been to a karate tournament in about three years since before the pandemic. And so, yeah, Vince wanted to go out and it was great seeing him in his element once again, and seeing all the families and everything. So that was a lot of fun. But you know, it's also Vegas and so

Christy  

damn tired. I don't see this is not like relaxing. Let's go like hanging out by the pool. I mean, you can hang out by the pool of Vegas, of course. But every time I'm at Vegas, I don't do that I'm out right? Doing things.

Marlena  

Right. So there were thunderstorms, and my flight was delayed. And so I was supposed to get in about six o'clock because I went from my LA office to Vegas. I was supposed to get in about six. I didn't get in until probably about 11 or 12. And then I was up until four and I was like, and then we were up early for the tournament because Vince had to be up early, which means I woke up early because he's not like the quiet. In a hotel room.

Christy  

Yeah, I can start off making myself a priority would be sleep, right? Like that is like my most basic I have to if I'm feeling out of sorts, or I'm feeling like I'm taking care of everybody, if I can just get enough sleep. Like it makes such a frickin difference in my world. And sometimes that means like, I'm going to put it nine. Peace out. You guys can all put yourself to bed and like get in bed. But Brian always lost cuz he's like, You need like 10 hours of sleep to like function and like, correct. I'm like, that is truth. Yes. And I do not apologize for it at all. I'm like, it makes me me. It makes me happy. It makes me I love sleep. I love sleep. And I try to tell my kids that all time eventually you'll love sleep. I promise. Like right now you just think it's terrible. But you'll get there.

Marlena  

Naps are my favorite. Right? Oh my god. Naps are my favorite.

Christy  

So I haven't been able to take naps, like I'm not a nap person. But we went camping a couple of weekends ago. And my god, I took two naps in one day. Like I just like went in the 10 I lay down I got all comfy and took like I don't know, an hour and then I woke up. And then like later, it was late. It was like five and I was like, Oh, well, I'm gonna take a little nap again. And I went lay down and I took a nap. It was the best feeling ever. Right? Why can I do this at home? So I'm trying to practice that little power naps like 2030 minutes, because yeah, they'll tell me. They're amazing. And I usually just wake up grumpy from them because I want more sleep right now.

Marlena  

I haven't been able to power nap. But because when I take a nap and especially over the weekend, when I take a nap it's at least 2 hours and I’m like, don't let me sleep this long. But Vince is like but if I wake you up, then you’re an asshole. So take your two hour nap,

Christy  

Same, I'm angry. I'm angry if you wake me up, usually in any instance. But um, so yeah, that's my most basic need for prioritizing myself. But I'm also an Aries. So I know we've mentioned on the show we've had some guests mentioned on the show that like Aries are kind of put on this earth to show others how to make themselves a priority and like to put themselves first which totally resonated with me in the moment because a lot of my life I put myself first and made myself right and then I was like, oh, that's selfish, right?

Marlena  

And that's such a misconception that people have you know, making yourself a priority is being selfish, when in fact it's not I mean, you're preserving your mental health.

Christy  

Yes. Well, and I think more than that is like when you do put yourself first and you know how to make yourself a priority, then you are really showing others like, Yes, I love you. But I don't love you enough to cross this boundary or I, I love you enough to say no, because I know myself and I know what I need to be happy and not angry and you know, just my normal cell. And it which can be tough because some people don't understand it. And so, like when I started saying no to people that was making myself a priority, that is one thing you can do. But some people don't understand it. Well, what do you mean know what's going on? Why can't you? Well, I just don't want to come. I mean, which is harsh, but like, I just mentally I can't, like or physically, I can't emotionally I can't, I don't want to. And once I started saying that to people, and then the right people kind of came into my world, it was a lot easier. Definitely. Yeah,

Marlena  

no, I totally get that, you know, being able to say no, when you don't want to do something, or, you know, setting boundaries. setting boundaries is such a great point. Because, for me, that's something that I've been learning how to do over the last few years. And in doing so, I do find myself feeling better, being able to say, No, I don't have the capacity or the bandwidth to do this. Or, you know, I just I don't want to because I don't want to it doesn't, it doesn't feel good to me. So setting boundaries, whether that be at home or at work or with friends with coworkers, is just so important. It is and I know that it's been a game changer for me.

Christy  

Yeah, but I think like I said, it kind of goes deeper, right? Because you have to know what you need, right? Mentally, physically, emotionally, in order to make those boundaries in order to make yourself a priority. So I think it starts with definitely self reflection exploration. Yeah, and reflection, right to find out like, okay, when I go out with this person, I come back energized. Okay, well, why do I come back energized and really evaluating what that does for you? Okay, when I go do this certain activity, it depletes me Well, what about it depletes you like so spending time with yourself and really reflecting on those different experiences to then kind of whittle down to, okay, I need eight hours of alone time in between events, or you know, or like whatever, like, I need a day between seen people because I need to recharge or, you know, my husband, he is an introvert, but he's this the most extroverted introvert, I think you will meet Yeah. And he doesn't need time between functions like he could go, he could go somewhere in the morning, be the center of attention, go somewhere in the afternoon and be the center of attention, go somewhere that you might be the center of attention and do it all again the next day. Now, if he did that for a week, you'd probably need a day to recover. Me, I need like, maybe a day to recover in between, like, I can do one event, I need a day, you can do another event. Sometimes I can push through it, I can really like do to write, but I need more time to myself. So it's is sitting with yourself and figuring all those things out. Which is hard, because who wants to sit with themselves, but it does pay I have

Marlena  

no problem sitting with myself. And so like, and Vincent and I were both very similar in that we do something we're not like back to back, go out and hang out the entire weekend kind of people. Radar, you get one day. And also, if I did that, like this weekend, next weekend, I'm not seeing anybody. I just can't, I can't sit there and do multiple weekends in a row. Because that does drain me. And I need I need time to myself. I need to be able to do my walks or do whatever in order for me to feel sane.

Christy  

Yeah. Right. And you know, I think the other part too is like some of it, you can feel guilty for not doing all the things all the time with all the people. But that is one thing that I've had to read myself up like you can't feel guilty for choosing to do this activity and not this activity or to prioritize yourself and go and say I can't go I'm not going to go to that function because I want to go do this for myself for me. lately. It's been writing I haven't been writing and I feel all out of sorts. And so it sounds weird, but I took myself to Starbucks for an hour. And I just sat there and I wrote little prompts and felt amazing after I was done, but that meant that I didn't go grocery shopping. I didn't put gas in the car like I didn't do any of those mundane errands,

Marlena  

right? No, I totally get that. And I love that you did that where you were able to because I love my family but sometimes I need to get away from them too. Which is why like, you know, going for my walks or going on hikes because they don't necessarily want to come with me. And I'm like, okay, cool, right? I get this time to myself, and I love my family. But at the same time, I, you know, I also need time away from them as well, I need to be able to clear my head, when I'm having a tough day at work, or I've had a tough week at work, and I go for my hike without my family, you know, now I'm not going to be very short with them. And so I'm able to, again, clear my head. And so I think that's another thing too, is making sure that you're taking care of your body as well. Whether it's, you know, going for a walk, doing yoga, hitting the gym, whatever it is, I mean, I'm not like a hardcore exercise person any longer. But, you know, doing yoga in the morning for even just 30 minutes before I start getting ready, has been also a game changer for me, because I knew that a lot of the stuff with work was going to be coming up. And so it gives me 30 minutes before I talked to my husband before I talked to my kid before I you know, start my work day of just getting my body moving and getting the blood flowing. Yeah,

Christy  

I've always well, I shouldn't say always because up until like, my 20s, late 20s, early 30s I wasn't really like fitness, right? I wasn't really. But there's an influencer that I love she, she always talked about like, well, what are you going to do to start your day before you start working for someone else? Like before you give your time to someone else? What are you going to do for you? And I love that because I give my time to my company, I give my time to my family, I get my time to my friends. So what am I going to do before all that starts to give time to myself? And so like I walk, which you know, I call them stupid mental health walks. Or I or depending on the day, sometimes they call them hot girl walks because you know, sometimes they feel hot. Sometimes they don't. Mostly they're stupid mental health walks and I forced myself to out on them. And then you know, halfway through, I'm like, Oh, I could go farther. Oh, oh, you know, and I feel better. And so I know for myself, and I know, you know, for a lot of people, it's hard because you're like, I don't want to do rice like I'd rather just sit. But if you can start it and make a routine and a habit oven, it does change your mental, like wellbeing changes your mental outlook, I think, you know, and being out in the sunshine being out in the elements being out. Seeing even for me seeing other people that you know, strangers that I can smile at and say good morning, just as something to my mood. And even like sometimes I come back I'm like, Yeah, I just spent an hour walking. Yeah, that was time to myself. But I want more. Well, that's good. I find that to be a good thing. I want more to myself. So I think you'll find yourself there. And it's okay. I know when my kids were little though it was hard. It was definitely hard. Absolutely. So for those little kids, like, it can be a challenge.

Marlena  

Yeah, like I said, my kids 19. So, you know, for me to be able to step away from them is much easier, but at the same time, you know, I have other things that I deal with like being out of town, and they're like, Mom, my car won't start again. And I'm like, Oh no. So like, take my other car, and then I get home and it's like Mom, are you going to take my car to the shop? And for those that don't know, I take care of the cars. Yes, I take care of the cars. That's part of my job. I know for some people that may sound strange, but yeah, I also have congenital issues. So there's a lot of things I'm working on. But I recognize today have these issues. It's so funny that you brought up the hot girl walk and this is just totally it made me laugh because Alexis told their dad you know I'm gonna go on a hot girl walk and he said what exactly is a hot girl walk? And they said oh, I walked down the street hotly. I just started laughing because they were totally fucking with their dad and it was so it was just funny to me and you saying that just brought that up? Because the way they said yeah, I just started diabetes like you guys quit messing with me

Christy  

I mean, sometimes I sachet my little bit a little more in those walks than I normally would you know for a little while.

Marlena  

It can be hot. It could be hot. I mean Okay,

Christy  

for temperature hot. It could be hot outside and I'm going for a hot girl walk Okay, fireworks um, but I was gonna say like, part of like making yourself a priority is like clear communications right which seems so simple but You know, I know we've talked before how difficult that can be. And now that my kids are a little bit older, I'm able to say to them, I'm overstimulated. All of this Mom, mom, mom, mom, mom, mom, mom, mom, stuff is noise in my ears. And I'm about to lose it, like I'm about to scream. And so, and I can say that to them, and they'll go, Oh, okay. And I was like, so I need, and I'll tell them 15 minutes, right? Can you leave me alone for 15 minutes, I'm gonna go for a walk, or I'm going to do this or whatever. And they will they'll leave me alone 15 minutes, because I think my oldest being autistic, but he definitely, you know, he has sensory issues. And so I think he actually really does understand that just the noise and the just too much. And then my youngest, I think he just really understands, like, Okay, I need to give mom some time. And so when I'm clear about that, then I can come back. And like you said, like, you're more regulated, you're not going to lose your shit on them, you're going to be, you know, calmer. And it's little snippets. And sometimes I get frustrated, because it's just little snippets. And I want a longer segment of time. But I have to recognize that in those snippets, I'm able to regulate, I'm able to take time, I'm able to breathe, and then I'm better. I'm a better version of myself. So, you know, when we talk about making yourself a priority, it's not always, like, I get a weekend right away. It can be 10 minutes, you know, of just being you and being quiet or whatever you need. And talking about it is definitely something that I've had to do and communicate it

Marlena  

well. And like you were saying, with communication, I know for me, there are times and I've said this to where I think we're going to do this, and I will stop myself and say no, this is what I want to do, or this is what we're going to do when I'm clear on what it is that I want. Versus Okay, well, I think this is what I want. But I want to give you the opportunity. It's like no, if I want something, this is what I want, this is what I want to do. So yeah, I have to stop being wishy washy about expressing myself, which is something that I've been really working on as well. Just stating very clearly what I want or what I need to be able to move about whatever it is, I'm moving about.

Christy  

Yeah, but do you think that part of that is just being a woman, you know, like, the whole kind of, if you agree, this is what we're gonna do, right? Because that's really hard for me to do, too, is like just standing in a moment of kind of like, this is what I write, and this is what I want, this is what we're doing. I don't want to say dictating it, but definitely just be more stern, right. And like, knowing this is what we need to do. But we always kind of ask for permission from the other

Marlena  

way around. Yeah, I think part of it is kind of what's ingrained in us as women, you know, what society has dictated how we're supposed to act or whatnot. But yeah, I think that has a lot to do with it, actually. So,

Christy  

yeah, I was also thinking as you were talking that, I mean, it definitely could be, we want to consider other people's feelings, right, you know, especially if those people are important to you. So when you say to ask me and Jamie, like, I think we should do this, I think what you're doing is trying to consider our feelings in the whole matter. But sometimes, and I love it, when you do it, like, this is what we're doing. I'm like, Yay, cool. All right, you know, like, we've got a direction we're doing this. And I think that that's beautiful. So I want to congratulate you on that, because I've noticed it. So

Marlena  

yeah, it's something I've really been working on be like, you know, but again, I want to when I am being direct about how I feel or what I want, what my desires are, I also don't want to be a dick about it either. And so you know, and I think that's part of why it's like, I think we should do this. And it's like, okay, no, but this is what we're doing. But, you know, try not to be a dick about it.

Christy  

No, I totally understand you. Yeah. And then I think the other things that I do, or that I've done to make myself a priority is I've worked a lot, then I'll say through therapy to kind of understand, like, I am big on perception, let me try to explain this. So, perception for me, like I will go to an event because I feel if I don't I'll be perceived as x or I'll be, you know, whatever. So I let other people's perception, actually my perception of them their perception. So this is weird, right? But let's just get into it affect what I'm going to do, or I have in the past. And so for me really trying to dig down into, like, why am I trying to perceive other people's perceptions of me? Because I'm never going to be able to do that. I don't know what you're thinking about me and then being able to say, Okay, I don't care about that. So even if this event could, I don't know, look good, if I go, I really don't have the energy to put forth for this, I'm not gonna go. So it's kind of leveling the playing field a little bit in favor of me. And I know we kind of talked about that a little bit before, but it's just perception and perfectionism and like, people pleasing, all of that is really something that I have been working through. And as I've been working through it, I've been able to make myself a priority, more and more and more and more. So looking at those tendencies and being able to kind of like break them down and be like, I can't do that. That's not That's not serving me, right? Serving these people. But it's not serving me. And I can't do it anymore. That has been a game changer for me. But like I said, it hasn't just been me working through it, it's been professional help. And me.

Marlena  

I mean, professional help, that is diversion of making yourself a priority, because we tend to stuff all of our feelings all of the time. So to be able to release that. And really work on that professional help, for me has been super helpful because it allowed me to really reflect on myself and what is important to me, what is not, why do I think this is important to me? Is it really important to uh, you know, things like that. So when it comes down to me feeling like I have to go to a party or something when in fact, I don't want to, and then say no, I'm not gonna go, I no longer have an issue with that. And now it's just, I really look, I check in with my body. Does this feel good to me? Does this not is this giving me anxiety is this not because there were times where I would go to, you know, some type of function. And nobody had any idea that an hour before, as I was getting ready, I like had severe anxiety and tears in my eyes, and I just didn't want to go. And it's like, if I'm feeling that way, if anyone's feeling that way, don't fucking go by, you know, it's like you feel obligated to show up for someone or whatever it is, but then you're not showing up for yourself. And so I really check in with my body now as to do I really want to do this. It's kind of like when when I went to Vegas, and I'm like, okay, there are flight delays, and none of this is feeling good to me. So I'm either gonna go to Oakland, or I'm gonna go to Las Vegas. And whichever flight comes in first, that's what I'm going on, because I don't care anymore. Like, this is too much. For me. This is too much, it's all too much. And just checking in with my body. So really knowing your body as well, and knowing how certain things make you feel, because I refuse now, to feel that sense of anxiety to go to a party or go to a some form of function. If I'm feeling that way, I'm not going to go. And I am not going to apologize for that either. Right?

Christy  

And you shouldn't, because it's not right for you in that moment. And that's okay. But yeah, you make a good point of like, knowing your body, right, and knowing how different things feel in your body is, I think, a huge baseline for this, which is why some people it takes them a long time. Like they're like, Well, I don't have time, or you know, I don't know how that looks. Or I feel like I feel the guilt. And I don't want to take time away. Because you know, being a mom is my most important priority. And yes, I get that being a mom is important. But you also have to be the best version of you to be the best mom to my kids. And so that takes time. And it takes time away from your kids it does to learn yourself and to learn your body and how things feel. So it can take a lot of time is what I'm saying. So if you have to start small start small, right? Like you would like you have 10 minutes, you have 15 minutes. What do you like to do? Do you like to read in silent God go find a quiet place and read inside. I love reading. You know, right?

Marlena  

I mean, oh my gosh, there are times where Vince and I we will both grab books and we'll sit on the couch. And you know, we're just like, nobody talk. Don't turn on the TV. Just read your book. And it's awesome to be able to escape reality for a bit in someone else's story. And so I find that as like the health care that is a form of self care for me. That I just I love that naps.

Christy  

Yeah, I I've just picked up a new book. And so I've been totally involved in it and the other night. Usually I tick tock before bed, which is bad, but I have Mike I'm on my phone and Brian, like kind of rolls over and he's like, stop talking. I'm like, I'm not tick talking. He's like what are you doing? I'm like I'm reading he goes oh, proceed. I wasn't like oh, yeah. So that was lovely. But I was going to ask you like, so I guess this is like us. I don't know for some people self care, but what it like tick tock social media, do you see that as like self care or disassociation, disassociation,

Marlena  

for sure. And I will do that frequently. Yeah, bad habit, I admit it. I'm not. So when it comes to like Instagram and Facebook and stuff like that, and I see everybody living their best lives and everything. I'm not sitting there comparing myself any longer not to say I never have. So but I'm not comparing myself any longer because I to only post up like, the best versions of me and everything that I'm doing. So you know, sometimes I have a dry spell where I'm not posting shit. And it's just like, because I'm not doing anything. And I'm okay with that. But in tic TOCs, and things like that, I mean, I watch those for a lot of times, it's like the comedy of it. And so things that make me laugh, and then I'm like, Hey, Vince, watch this. But, you know, for the most part, I can spend hours, and a bottle of wine, watching Tic TOCs of like dogs. I see, like dog and cat videos all the time. I love them. It's funny. That's your algorithm that is, okay. So I have like, which talk and spiritual talk. And then I have, you know, the dogs and cats. And so my algorithm is just strange. But it works for me, because I'm strange. And so I'm like, this is totally cool. It's all the things that I love. Yeah, oh, my God, you know, so but there are also times where Vince is like, Dude, you have been doing that for way too long. Get off your phone. I'm like, don't tell me what to do. But you know, he's like, you're not being right. And I think that's a big thing, too, is to make sure that you're being present. But sometimes I don't want to be present. I'm like, I don't like reality today. So I'm not going to be.

Christy  

And I totally understand that feeling. But yeah, like, I have to agree with you. I think tick tock. Social media is dissociation. Right? Because that's what I do. Right? When I'm on. Exactly. I am literally disassociating from the world around me. And then I look up and I'm like, how long I've been doing this, right? Where am I what's happening, you know, like, seriously, and I'm like, that's not good. I need to stop that. And on days, when I don't do it, I feel a lot better. A lot better. Like I if I make it to like the end of my workday, or even like probably the end of my day, and I haven't logged on to Instagram and might reshare that felt really good. And then for some reason, I log on to Instagram and I'm like, What are you doing? Like, you just said it felt good. So just stay I

Marlena  

do try and keep my phone upstairs. When Vince and I are doing something, whether it's just watching TV or reading a book or just having a conversation, all legit, put my phone upstairs, so that and take my watch off. So that I'm not like getting the message or anything like that, so that I can be present. That's because I am bad.

Christy  

That's a good point too. Like if you're trying to make yourself a priority probably need to get rid of the distractions, right, which includes the Apple Watch or whatever watch you're wearing that will notify you when somebody posts something on TV or have a text message. I know I'm so guilty of that if I'm in a yoga class, and I have my watch on the on my phone, but my watch on and I'm getting texts or notifications, I can't help but look at right, and it pulls me out of the moment. And I'm like, Why did I do that to myself? And then I'm like well because I wanted my watch to keep track of the calories I'm burning in the class. So right and I'm like, but who the fuck cares about that? Just take the watch.

Marlena  

I mean, I do care about that because I'm like how much exercise Have you been getting throughout the day or whatever? So I do like my watch on for that but what I'll do is I'll put my phone on Do Not Disturb and the Do Not Disturb function on an Apple phone. I know some people in this conversation and in my world do not have apple. Vince does not he has no idea called out again. green bubble monster Yes, yeah, no, when I put my phone on Do Not Disturb I do that at night. I put it on sleep. And I don't have it turn off the sleep function until I actually get to work so I have it like clocked out so that because I get text messages in the morning of people calling out or things like that, that I'm like, I don't care until I'm actually at work. I just have like five people that I allowed text messages during the that time, you know, Vince, Alexis, Alexis, because they're 19. And if they go out and you know, something happens, I do want to get that phone call. But there's just about a handful or less than a handful of people that have access to me. But for the most part, I use either the sleep function or Do Not Disturb on a regular basis. And I don't apologize for that, either. So when I'm working out, I'll put it on. You should yeah, I'll put it on Do Not Disturb so that I do still get my calories clocked the tracker. Thank you, because you guys

Christy  

rings, right? Like the Do you feel the rings anymore? On apple? Yes. Okay. All right,

Marlena  

gotcha. And I try and fill those daily. There's apps on my watch as well, that will tell me throughout the day, like take a break, go, oh, go meditate for five minutes. And so I will, I will legit get up and go outside. And there's a patio off of my office. And I will go sit out there. And I'll meditate for five minutes and then come back in.

Christy  

I think the last thing for me, I mean, there's lots of things, but the the biggest thing for me is being appreciative of my body, and like loving my body. And I guess thanking my body for the things that it is able to do. Which again, like I said, it's deeper, right? It's deeper than just like, Oh, you're gonna go on a spa day. But I think working towards that really does help you make yourself a priority. And loving your whole self, from top to bottom can really, really help you make time for yourself that you need to like read to be the best version of you. But again, that's hard work. And that is sitting with yourself. And like we said, full circle moment, reflection and right, you know, working through a lot of maybe not a lot for everybody, but for some a lot of deep seated issues. You know, I've never had the greatest relationship with my body. So loving it, it's sometimes very difficult for me. But on the days that I am active on the days that I get fresh air on the days that I do something for my body, I work it, I ride a bike, I take a walk, I go to yoga, I'm definitely more appreciative of my body, and I love my body more in those moments. So I think all these things really can work together to get you to a place to make yourself a priority. And to give yourself the time that you need to center yourself and to be present. And to be grateful for the life that you have and the body that you have. That's my two cents

Marlena  

on that. No, I agree with that. Because when you make yourself a priority, it also boosts your self esteem. It does, you know, yes. And so I find that I have an extremely high self esteem. I've been talking about that lately, where I'm like, is it my ego? Am I arrogant? Or am I do I just have a very healthy self esteem? I'm like, No, I actually have a very healthy self esteem, you know, I'm bigger than I have been in, in my past. But I'm also 100% Good with who I am, you know, in my skin, I'm yeah, I'm comfortable with myself, I enjoy working out. I just don't enjoy working out to the extent that I did when I was younger, and like trying to be in the best shape of my life and having the best body that whatever, which were priorities for me in the past. And now it's like, I just want to get the blood flowing. But I'm okay with where I'm at it with my weight. And if I do choose to lose weight, I mean to do so for me. So really, I'm just I've gotten to a point where I don't I try not to I won't say I don't. I try not to care what other people think about me both physically, mentally and emotionally. That the only opinion really that matters is mine. And if I'm good with myself, then I'm good.

Christy  

No, I mean, that is very beautiful like that you're at that spot. I also feel like most of the time I have a very healthy self confidence. And then sometimes that's shut down, you know, and I feel like shit, but I would say 90% 90% of the time, which is so it's just so weird because like 90% of the time I feel like the best like I'm like I'm good. I like myself and then something will happen and I'll be like What the fuck? Okay, well, let's start over. But I'm at that point in my life too. Like I think like you were, I could work out like I used to and maybe lose the weight like I had in my past. But I have no desire to do that. I have no desire to. I have a desire to move my body to be healthy have a desire to eat good food, healthy food nourish my body. But that's really it. I don't I don't want to kill myself to lose 20 pounds and I'm just at a point where like nobody else feels this way, well, good for you. I don't care. I don't care. Like, right, I'm good.

Marlena  

Okay, and so that goes back to making yourself a priority and stuff because I would rather prioritize reading a book or meditating for 30 minutes versus being in the gym for 30 minutes, like, and lifting heavy and stuff like that that's not a priority for me anymore. Right, but still taking care of myself in other ways. You know, like for you, you would rather write than Yes. Kill yourself at the gym?

Christy  

Yeah, like, I mean, I literally sat there, because they're in the same parking lot. There's an orange theory fitness. And I could have done a three hour class at Orange theory. Or I could sit at Starbucks for an hour. And I sat there and I was like, Ah, well, I could try orange theory. Like I'm, I'm intrigued. No, I'm gonna go right. And I've done that probably like three weeks now. Three weeks in a row where I'm just like, right, yeah, I'm choosing def something different. And so that tells me my priorities have shifted, right? Because probably five years ago, I would have been like, Oh, screw writing, I'm gonna go do this fitness class, because at least I can get 60 minutes in, right? Same. And so now I'm like, I mean, maybe someday, but right now, not there. I'm not there yet. I'm good. Writing, sitting, listening to music people watching, right? That's good for me. So

Marlena  

whatever feels good to you, you gotta do what you got to know yourself. And what feels good to you.

Christy  

I was gonna say, I've also been cooking like really healthy, fresh food. That's something else lately, which has been amazing. And I've been having so much fun. I'm not. I don't like cooking. It's not my thing. But I've been going farmers markets and grabbing shipped from farmers markets and making things and like, and then having them all week, no, they're all like fresh, their vegetables kind of thing. But right. That's been really fun for me, and very, and again, nourishing for me. And I feel like I made this. It's healthy. I'm eating it all week. It's great. And the next week, I'm gonna go to the farmers market again and read up on all the things that I need. Right? So that's been fun, too, lately. Sorry to say no,

Marlena  

no, I mean, I think that's awesome. Because what I've been eating, for the most part, has been changing as well, in that I've been eating a lot more fruits that are allergic to of course, yeah, but you know, but a lot more fruits and vegetables, and, like you said, trying to find different ways of making them. But you know, instead of eating a chocolate cake, I'm eating fruit with a little bit of yogurt for dessert, or eating a bunch of different vegetables, Vince and I, we've been actually cooking a lot more vegetarian meals, which neither one of us would ever, like, I could not personally be a vegetarian, like for a long period of time. But there are a lot of vegetarian dishes that I love. And so you kind of incorporating that all as well. Versus like eating steak every freaking day.

Christy  

I have also made myself a priority by doing this podcast. So I want to just put that in there. Because I carve out time every week to do this. And because it's fun, and I enjoy it. And I get a lot out of it. And it was difficult at first not for anyone else. But I think just for me to kind of be like, Okay, that's an hour out of my week, you know, or an hour out of like, my weekend or something. And then it was like, but it's only an hour. So you're okay, right, like, it'll be fine. And then as we got more into a rhythm, and it really wasn't our like to you know, it was definitely stepping outside of all of our comfort zones and do something new. And so I would encourage everyone to maybe try something new, like, once every couple months, try something just totally outside of like your wheelhouse, like and just go for it and see if it sticks because it may or it may not if you go and try orange theory and you're like Fuck this, this is not for me good, right? You know, it's not for you. But if you go and you try it, you're like that was great. I felt so good after then maybe that's your thing for an hour, we're all different. So

Marlena  

I love trying new things and stepping out of my comfort zone and I will do something now especially after starting this podcast and us going forward with it and I will just do something scared out of my mind. And just be like, Okay, well I'm just gonna do it scared because how am I going to know whether I like it or not, you know, and so I find myself doing a lot of things that I wouldn't necessarily do because I was too afraid to try it like a TV in which is something that I haven't done before I ATV through the jungle and Thailand and I was like, This is amazing, you know, and I was slightly scared and you know, I'm like I'm just gonna do it scared. This podcast. I love doing this podcast and being able to talk to people, meet new people and spend an hour Two of my most favorite people each week, it's been fantastic. So yeah, just try new things to figure out what you like and what you don't like,

Christy  

exactly, I'm not going to save in a blanket statement that it gets easier, because I think we all get swept up into our lives and our work, and whatever is going on around us. And so sometimes we get so swept up into it that like, we're like, Oh, my God, I haven't done anything for myself in months, you know, or weeks or months, or whatever it is. But I think it gets easier to identify, especially when you're in those moments of maybe just like impatience, and you're at your wit's end, I think it gets easier to identify, oh, wait, I might be feeling like this. Because I haven't had the time for myself. I haven't made myself a priority in weeks. Maybe I can't do that today in this moment. But I need to somehow carve out some time for myself, so that I can get regulated again, and I can get back to myself again. And I can regain my patience with the world. I think that gets easier because I identify that pretty quickly. Now, if I'm feeling some sort of way. In my day, I'm like, Oh, okay. Yep. It's been a couple of weeks, you know, it's been a couple of weeks of running the kids around to all their things and doing all the things for the household, and I haven't done anything for me. So just keep that in mind. Like, wherever you are on this. Like, if you've just started, it gets easier to identify maybe not easier to do or execute. I think good,

Marlena  

I think yeah, yeah.

Christy  

I feel like that was a pretty good conclusion. Do yourself a priority episode. I just want to thank everyone for joining us on this episode of a witch mystic and a feminist go and engage with us like ask us a question. I would love to answer questions. Yeah, people like I would love to have an episode of just answering questions. So go to W M F pod.com, where you can engage with us and see all of our past episodes, see our BIOS, you can submit a question, you know all the things because that would be a really fun episode. I think for us for the three of us to do I think so. Yeah. So go do it. And we will see you next week on a new episode of a witch mystic. No feminists, thank you so much for joining us.